No Longer the Longest

Germany has had a rough time.

After enduring the darkest winter in 43 years and floods from record-setting rains, the country has just experienced its worst hit yet.

Worse even than the great Nutella heist in which a 5 ton shipment of Nutella was stolen on its way to store shelves.

(Thieving Nutella is like snatching peanut butter sandwiches out of the hands of hungry kindergartners…

Germans can’t function without their daily dose of the chocolate-hazlenut spread.)

But now… the worst has happened.

Germany has lost its longest word.

Why, you ask?

Because it was outlawed.

Rindfleischetikettierungsüberwachungsaufgabenübertragungsgesetz

It means: Law on the transfer of monitoring duties for labeling beef.

Of course it does. What else would it mean?

At 63 letters, it beats out the longest word in English (pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis) which boasts a mere 45 letters.

So why is Rind…whatever-the-heck-it-is no longer the longest?

It has to do with a law created to protect consumers from mad cow disease. The European Union repealed the law, hence the word is now defunct.

Sad days.

Fortunately, there is a solution. The reason Germans have such long words is because theystickabunchofsmallerwordstogether to make one big one. They call them tapeworm words.

So the hunt is on to find Germany a new longest word.

We are now taking nominations!

Click here if you want to find out how the last word to hold the honor was pronounced.

Can’t think of any? Click here to see 8 more ridiculously long German words.

Travel

The Bridge Monkey and the Gross Vat

I bet your vision of traveling through Europe doesn’t include mounting a gross vat or groping a bridge monkey. But if you travel to Heidelberg, Germany, that might just be what you do.

The gross vat is located here, inside the Heidelberg Castle.

It’s not gross as in disgusting, but gross as in the German word for big. The vat is the world’s largest wine cask. A 130 oak trees were needed to build the vat and visitors must climb 42 steps to reach the top.

The gross vat is guarded by the famous dwarf Perkeo, a court fool who is said to have died after drinking a glass of water instead of the 18 bottles per day of wine he was used to.

After visiting the castle, make your way to the Old Bridge Gate. This is where the bridge monkey stands guard.

Touching the monkey is supposed to guarantee good luck, a safe return, and many babies. The mirror the monkey holds is meant to remind the people passing through the bridge gate to look both ahead and behind.

Just don’t get confused – if you intend to rub the monkey for good luck, I recommend approaching him from ahead and not behind!

More like this:

Startling Symbol of Brussels

Liver and Storks, Please

Culture

Give Me a Meter of Milk!

I’m a gallon of milk girl.

But these days I live in Germany where they use the metric system. There’s no such thing as a gallon of milk.

I can get a bigger beer at a festival than I can a container of milk at the grocery store. While a typical carton of milk is 1 liter, a glass of beer ranges in size from 1-3 liters.

If you ask me, milk should only come in a single serving size if it’s part of a school lunch. It’s downright frustrating!

But I have a solution. Give me a meter of milk! Sound foolish?

It’s not! A meter is a bona fide serving size in Germany. Check it out:

For those watching their weight, there’s the ever-popular half-meter:

I’ll say one thing – if I ever convince the powers that be to produce a meter of milk, someone better send me a kilometer of Oreos!!

More like this:

Stop Sausaging Around

I’ll Have the Wiener Art

Travel

These Aren’t Bad Words…I Promise!

I’m going to be in a lot of trouble when I move back to the U.S. from Germany. You see…to an English speaker, some German words just don’t sound quite right. Like, for instance, this one:

No, I’m not calling anyone a bad name. This is the name of a town on the Rhine River. According to my German dictionary, those first three letters mean Ace. Kind of gives a new meaning to phrases like “Ace in the hole,” “Having an Ace up one’s sleeve” or “Holding all the Aces,” doesn’t it?

Here is another not-so-bad-as-it-sounds word:

Would you be offended it I said “Gute fahrt!” to you? Don’t be! It means “Have a good trip!” Fahrt refers to a ride, journey, or trip. Gasse is the word for alley. The above picture is of a street sign in Heidelberg, Germany. Sorry to disappoint you … this is not a place to go after you’ve eaten too many German sausages.

Then there’s this word:

The literal meaning of this word is “thick.” I’ll let you draw your own conclusions about that. The above sign is from Esslingen, Germany. It’s the name of a shopping center located inside an old factory of the same name. The company specialized in making butcher’s knives and tools. For some strange reason, this company was never successful in the American market. Perhaps they just don’t understand how we react to seeing this: