Tag Archives: humor

Life

Kangaroo Hoodlums and Ugly Faces

The news is weird.

Sometimes the stories are so strange, you’re sure they could only be fiction. When I first heard about the kangaroo hoodlums, I thought the story had been made up. But since then, I’ve seen the story on cbsnews.com and The Week. That means it has to be true…right?

Apparently, the three hoodlum kangaroos escaped through not one…but two…fences at a German wildlife park with the assistance of a wiley fox and a hungry boar.

The names of the kangaroos were Jack, Mick, and Skippy. The fox and the boar remain anonymous.

As the three imprisoned marsupials looked on, the boar broke into the wildlife park by making a hole in the fence on the outer perimeter. The fox, being more sly and fit, took over from there. He (or she) slipped through the boar’s hole and made it’s way over to the kangaroo’s enclosure.

While Jack, Mick, and Skippy banged their tin cups on the bars and made cat calls (fox calls?), the fox dug a hole into their enclosure and the kangaroos escaped. Mind you, I have no idea how a kangaroo could fit into a hole dug by a fox, but…the details are sketchy.

In other news around Europe, the Spanish city of Balbao recently celebrated their annual “Concurso de Feos” or “Ugly Competition.” It’s hard to believe that in our world of cosmetics and “beautiful people,” folks would come from far and wide in hopes of being declared the world’s ugliest person. Take a look…

Look mom, no hands! Since 1978, the northern Spanish city of Bilbao has ...

Click the photo to see the “Ugly Faces” gallery on SpiegelOnline.

So what about the kangaroo hoodlums? Are they still on the lam?

Nope, they were outfoxed by another wiley species…humans.

You gotta give the kangaroos brownie points, though. They managed to travel over nine miles away from the zoo. The last one wasn’t apprehended until, in the words of the zoo’s deputy manager, “a very fit policewoman hurled herself onto the kangaroo.” Kind of makes you wonder…which one of the three kangaroo hoodlums held out the longest?

My bet’s on Skippy.

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Culture

I’ll Have the Wiener Art

In Germany, a menu is called a Speisekarte. “Menu” is short for Tagesmenu, which lists the daily specials.

 

If you ever go to a German restaurant, you may find yourself completely mystified by the process of Germany dining. Assuming you’re able to translate the menu enough to order a meal (what is wiener art, anyway?) you might find yourself stymied by a number of other oddities.

The strange snuffling sound coming from under the table next to you? Yes, that’s a dog. Dogs are allowed in even some of the nicest restaurants. Fido is likely to be served a refreshing bowl of water before you get your Hefeweisen.

As for your food, if you find yourself plate-less while your companions are filling their bellies, you haven’t been forgotten. In Germany, food is brought out when it’s ready, not all at the same time.

And when the meal is finished, you may have to perform a table dance to get your bill. If you wait for the server to deliver it, you’ll go cross-eyed trying to stare him or her down. They’re not inattentive…in Europe, when you sit down to a meal, the table is yours…a server would never rush you off by bringing the bill.

When you do pay, make sure your wallet is full of cash. The server will stand at the table and wait. They’ll pull out a little wallet and dole out your change right then (they’re whizzes at doing math in their heads). Many places in Germany don’t take credit cards. Don’t be fooled by the symbols in the window…Germans have cards with a special “EC” chip in them. If you don’t have cash, you might find yourself washing a sinkful of beer steins.

A few more tips:

  • You may be delighted when your server brings you a basket of rolls or pretzels, but if you accept them, you may be charged for each one. The same goes for packets of ketchup.
  • If you stand at the door of a restaurant waiting to be seated, you may be there all night. In Germany, restaurants are usually seat-yourself.
  • Don’t be surprised if one day you are dining at a busy restaurant and complete strangers sit down with you. Germans don’t let empty seats go wasted.
  • A fifteen percent gratuity is already included in the bill, so you don’t need to leave a big tip. A euro or two is always appreciated, of course, but don’t leave it on the table. Hand it directly to the server.
  • If you ask for water, you will receive bottled water…and a bill. Go ahead and try to finagle a glass of tap water, but don’t be surprised if you’re met with a blank stare. Germans think it’s uncouth!

So there you have it…the mysteries of German dining solved. I’m afraid you’re on your own with reading the menu, but I’ll tell you this…Wiener Art means Viennese Style.

(Which isn’t nearly as interesting as what I had in mind!)

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Travel

Castle of the Weird and Wild

If there’s one thing Germany does not have a shortage of… it’s castles. Nearly every place on the map has a relic perched on a nearby hill or crowning the center of town.

One thing I’ve discovered since my first castle tour is that every castle is unique in an often weird and wild way. But the castle I visited the other day takes the cake.

The Guttenberg Castle is located in the Neckar Valley about an hour from Stuttgart. The castle was built around 800 years ago to protect an imperial palace located in the nearby town of Bad Wimpfen.

Ownership of the castle changed hands over time until it was converted into the present day museum. But the legacy of the colorful previous owners of the castle still linger.

Take these hunting trophies that adorn the library…

Now, I don’t know about you, but these are unlike any hunting trophies I have ever seen. There is only one word to describe them…weird. I mean, what exactly are they supposed to be?

Medieval emoticons?

Laugh Tongue

Then there’s the matter of the castle’s torture chamber…

When you leisurely stroll through the museum and stumble into this room, as if suddenly seeing pictures of people being tortured isn’t creepy enough, your presence trips an invisible sensor and you’re treated to a medley of torture chamber sound effects…just perfect for a nice Sunday in the country.

As for the castle’s wild side, the Guttenberg Castle presents a daily raptor show featuring some very deadly predators. This program is not a watered-down we’re-afraid-of-getting-sued animal show. In fact, if you’re faint of heart, this show might not be for you.

The trainers think nothing of tossing lunch out over the heads of the audience for the razor-taloned birds to catch. I’d hate to think what would happen if this eagle missed!

And if you bring an umbrella, watch out. You’re certain to become a perch when the raptors mingle with the audience. Just remember…if you’re lucky enough to meet one of these amazing birds in person…don’t forget to lift your feet!

So welcome to the Castle of the Weird and Wild. Before you go…let’s take one more walk on the the weird side.

While strolling around the castle grounds, you might come across this sign…

Is this really a problem???

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Culture

5 More Funny German Words

As I continue my struggle to learn the German language, I’ve stumbled upon a few more words to add to my original list of Five Funny German Words.

No offense to speakers of this wonderful and challenging language, but to a person with a background in English… I find that certain words are worth a giggle.

5 More Funny German Words

Fahrtwind – I always get a kick out of Gute Fahrt. The phrase means Have a Great Trip, but it sounds like something else entirely (how perfect to see this phrase on a gas pump!). I recently looked up Fahrt in my German dictionary to check my interpretation …and lo and behold, I discovered another gem: Fahrtwind…the German word for airstream.

Puppen – If you say the Puppen out loud in English-speaking countries, thoughts in line with Fahrtwind may come to mind. The other day, I was strolling through the streets of a cute little German town with some friends. They spotted a sign that entertained them to no end: Puppenhaus. No…it wasn’t on an outhouse door…the sign referred to a House of Dolls and Puppets.

Handy – Here is a word that Germans would probably insist is English. Little do they know that we use this word in an entirely different way. If you ever drive in Germany, you may see signs that say Finger Vom Handy. The signs aren’t suggesting that you behave improperly with the handyman. They’re telling you to keep your hands off your cell phone.

Krank – This is the German word for sick. I think it’s perfect…when I’m sick, I’m definitely a Krank. And if I get really kranky, I am comforted knowing that I can be taken to the Krankenhaus (hospital) in a Krankenwagen (ambulance).

Kummerspeck – In all fairness, this word isn’t exactly used in everyday conversations, but I ran across it on the internet and just had to share. Kummerspeck refers to excess weight gained from emotional overeating. The literal translation?

Grief bacon.

I wonder what the German word is for Grief Ice Cream?

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Life

The Naughty Exhibit Revealed

After I wrote A Naughty Exhibit? a friend of mine emailed me to say, “You are going, right?”

I couldn’t back down in the face of a challenge, so of course, I went.

Revealing the exhibit’s secrets was a bit more challenging than I expected. The exhibit text did not have English translations, so I took pictures and typed the text into Google Translate.

What I discovered is that it’s good to be a multicellular organism…and that we’re all looking for the same thing…Mr. (or Miss) Perfect.

Here’s a quick summary of the various exhibits and a glimpse of my favorite part (it was interactive!):

Just for fun? This part of the exhibit looks at the reasons for sex. “Let’s face it,” the display says, “sex is expensive, complicated, and involves high costs biologically. So why do most multicellular organisms still use sexual reproduction?” It turns out there’s no easy answer. Asexual reproduction would require a lot less therapy, yet those of us who claim to be multicellular organisms opt for the It takes two to tango variety. (Maybe it is just for fun!)

Annoying obligations? A discussion of various family models…from the louse that abandons it’s children at birth to the large families that are only able to tolerate each other one day a year (and even that’s a tossup!)

Clash of the Sperm. A look at the sophisticated strategies that males have developed to secure successful reproduction (I wonder if mid-life-crises, cherry-red convertibles count?)

Experimental Sex. Perhaps being a single-celled organism isn’t such a bad idea…they reproduce by simple division, making them potentially immortal. (Who needs cloning and cryogenics?)

Sex and Crime. Watch out men…in some parts of the animal kingdom, sex involves trying not to get killed and eaten. And ladies…not all pairings in the animal world are romantic…some are downright violent. (Who knew successful reproduction was such a dangerous business?)

Here’s the sort-of risqué pictures that were on display:

What? You’ve never seen an e-coli virus in a compromising position? Well, now you have!

And of course, an exhibit on sex would not be complete without a discussion of the age old question…whose is the biggest?

These may look like pictures of bugs, but I assure you they’re not. Think of this panel as the centerfold of the animal world. So who’s the winner?

The walrus, of course (sorry guys).

Now, to my favorite part…the interactive exhibit (hey, get your mind out of the gutter).

The museum invited visitors to participate in a “wet” T-shirt contest.

Each of the “guys” in the exhibit wore a T-shirt that had been doused with a different cologne. Visitors were instructed to sniff the guys’ chests and cast a vote for their favorite scent.

Which one did I like?

Who else?

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