Category Archives: Culture

Culture

How Much Wood is Up Front?

It’s Oktoberfest time again!

German Beer

If you ever have a chance to attend this event in Germany, there are 3 things you have to know first:

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1. The proper response to “Ziggy Zoggy, Ziggy Zoggy!”

This phrase is a line from a German drinking song that people sing when they are really, really drunk, so don’t worry –  the response is really, really easy:

OY! OY! OY!

If you can handle that, then you are ready for Oktoberfest!

The song actually goes like this:

Ein Prosit, Ein Prosit, der Gemütlichkeit
Eins, zwei, drei, g’suffa!

Zicke, zacke, zicke, zacke,

hoi, hoi, hoi

Supposedly it means:

A toast, a toast, a cozy place!
One, two, three drink (literally drunkeness, or sozzled)
drink, drink, drink,

hoi, hoi, hoi!

The last part doesn’t actually mean anything, so you don’t have to worry about screwing it up!

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2. Oktoberfest is in September.

This is an important little tidbit to know if you are traveling from far away.

Germans have been celebrating Oktoberfest since 1810 when Prince Ludwig of Bavaria decided to get married. To celebrate, he and his friends got really sozzled at a big bash near Munich. Germans have thrown a party every year since. Oktoberfest starts on a Saturday in September and continues for 16-18 days, ending on the first Sunday in October.

So why didn’t they call it Septemberfest?

Beats me. Maybe they were too sozzled to know what month it was.

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3. How much wood is up front.

For all you ladies out there, if you ever have a chance to attend Oktoberfest, be aware of one thing. Those cute little Bavarian dresses called Dirndls are not just a fashion statement. They’re designed to answer a question that’s on the mind of every Lederhosen-clad man:

Holz vor der Hütte.

It means:

How much wood is in front of the cottage?

There’s only one right way to answer this question…

Stand tall and push up your assets!

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Culture

Eyebrow Raising Food Packages

A few packaged foods I found on grocery store shelves in Germany:

These two models look like they’re having a really great time. I wonder if he knows this product is called the Ham Nutcracker?

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Hungry for a fine little wiener? Yours for only 3 Euro…

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I think this one is where the phrase ‘Lost in Translation’ comes from…

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I haven’t actually been able to find this Sausage Suitcase on store shelves, but I’m on the lookout…

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What’s the motto printed across the bottom of this ad?

German Sausage. Everything else is Cheese.

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Culture

Beer Me a Bath!

Have you heard the expression Beer me? How about Beer me a beer?

Beer me has become the cultured way of saying Give me insert item here.

Now that the weekend is here and I could use some time to relax, I feel like shouting, “Beer me a bath!”

Sound strange?

It’s not when you consider that there is a place where you can take a real beer bath.

If you’re willing to make the trek to the Czech Republic, you can stay at a beer wellness hotel and relax in a beer spa right smack in the middle of beer wellness land.

Yes, it’s for real.

So how does this beer bath thing work?

This is an excerpt from the Chordova website:

Real Bear Baths

The real beer baths are prepared in a tub from beer and mineral water and have a temperature of 34 °C. The special ingredients consist of dark Bathing Beer (WHERE CAN I GET SOME OF THAT?), which is produced in a traditional way by the main brewer (MAIN BREWER, YOU ROCK!) of the family brewery Chodovar. The bath level is covered by the distinct beer foam (LOVE IT!) of a caramel colour and the area is scented by the fragrance of freshly brewed dark beer.

Treatment process

The client is immersed into the bath whose agreeable temperature causes mild and gradual rise of the heart activity (I BET!!) and activation of blood circulation in all the vascular system. To harmonize the blood pressure, increase the outcome of the bath and enhance the relaxation experience, the guests are recommended a glass of natural non-pasteurised Chodovar (YES!!!!!), which positively works on all the digestive system as well.

The length of the stay in the bath is 20 minutes. 

What?????? Only 20 minutes? What’s up with that?

Oh, and yes, you read that right. The secret ingredient to this spa treatment is Bathing Beer. It comes in one-liter bottles. The recommended amount per bath is 4 liters.

So…at the risk of stating the obvious:

No! You can’t drink your bath water!!!

More Like This:

Beer Language School

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Culture

The King of Bling

IMG_1603He’s been called mad.

Crazy.

Insane.

The Fairy Tale King.

But I think this is the first time he’s been called the King of Bling.

I can’t take credit for it.

A member of my family called him this during a recent tour of one of his castles.

Ludwig II became king of Bavaria in 1864 at the ripe old age of eighteen. Two years later, his country was taken over by Prussia.

So what’s a king with no kingdom to do?

Collect bling.

And when you have a lot of bling, you need a place to put it. So you build a few castles, bathe everything in goldleaf, drench it with lavish color, and bejewel the rest.

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Crazy King Ludwig even built his own cavern, complete with stalactites, a boat, and creepy painting…

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How Ludwig financed his projects is a matter of debate. Many say he bankrupted his country, others say he used his own wealth. What’s not up for debate is that because of his rising debts, the government declared him legally insane.

And the very next day he was dead.

He died in a boating accident. A few weeks later, his granddaddy of castles, Neuschwanstein, was opened to the public.

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Was King Ludwig mad? Crazy? Insane?

One thing’s for sure: he’s had the last laugh.

Neuschwanstein is the top tourist destination in Germany. I think the Bavarian region has more than recouped any losses through the tourism that Ludwig’s castles bring in. Not to mention, Neuschwanstein has been immortalized by Disney through their theme parks and logo.

This begs the question… Why do we travel in droves to see Ludwig’s legacy?

Are we mad? Crazy? Insane?

Do we secretly admire the man’s incredible vision? Do we envy the way he made his dreamworld a reality?

Or do we just love a little bling?

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Culture

No Longer the Longest

IMG_2049Germany has had a rough time.

After enduring the darkest winter in 43 years and floods from record-setting rains, the country has just experienced its worst hit yet.

Worse even than the great Nutella heist in which a 5 ton shipment of Nutella was stolen on its way to store shelves.

(Thieving Nutella is like snatching peanut butter sandwiches out of the hands of hungry kindergartners…

Germans can’t function without their daily dose of the chocolate-hazlenut spread.)

But now… the worst has happened.

Germany has lost its longest word.

Why, you ask?

Because it was outlawed.

Rindfleischetikettierungsüberwachungsaufgabenübertragungsgesetz

It means: Law on the transfer of monitoring duties for labeling beef.

Of course it does. What else would it mean?

At 63 letters, it beats out the longest word in English (pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis) which boasts a mere 45 letters.

So why is  Rind…whatever-the-heck-it-is  no longer the longest?

It has to do with a law created to protect consumers from mad cow disease. The European Union repealed the law, hence the word is now defunct.

Sad days.

Fortunately, there is a solution. The reason Germans have such long words is because theystickabunchofsmallerwordstogether to make one big one. They call them tapeworm words.

So the hunt is on to find Germany a new longest word.

We are now taking nominations!

Click here if you want to find out how the last word to hold the honor was pronounced.

Can’t think of any? Click here to see 8 more ridiculously long German words.

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